How to make new friends as an adult: 8 simple ideas that work

As children, all it took was sitting next to someone in class. As adults, our days fill up with work, commitments and routines, and making new friends feels much harder. The good news is that it doesn't take luck: it takes a little intention, the right opportunities and the patience to let a connection grow.

Why it feels harder as an adult

Sociologist Rebecca G. Adams, who has studied friendship for years, points to three ingredients: being close by, meeting often even without planning it, and being in a setting where people feel free to open up. At school and university these came on their own. As adults, we have to look for them on purpose.

It isn't a flaw in you: the setting has simply changed. And a setting is something you can choose.

1. Start from a passion

The most natural way to meet new people is to do something you love alongside others: a cooking class, a choir, a book club, weekend hikes, volunteering. A shared interest gives you something to talk about straight away, with no awkwardness.

2. Keep going back to the same place

Friendships grow from repetition. Going to the same gym, the same café or the same class every week makes faces familiar, and a hello turns into a chat.

3. Take the first step

We often wait for the other person to suggest something. Try being the one who does: "Shall we grab a coffee on Thursday after class?" is a simple question, and most people are happy to be invited. A concrete plan, with a day and a place, works better than a vague "let's catch up".

4. Ask questions and really listen

Curiosity is the best start. Ask what the other person loves, what they are learning, where they would like to travel. Then listen closely to the answer. Feeling heard is one of the nicest gifts we can give.

5. Rediscover people you already know

Former colleagues, old school friends, the neighbour you always chat with: sometimes a new friendship is already there, one message away. Writing "I was thinking of you, fancy meeting up?" costs little and can open a door.

6. Give the friendship time

A University of Kansas study (Jeffrey Hall, 2018) estimated that it takes about 50 hours together to go from acquaintances to friends, and more than 200 to become close friends. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't feel like friendship after the first meeting: that's normal, and every hour counts.

7. Try friendship apps, and choose well

Apps can help you find people who share your interests, even beyond your own city. Choose ones that are truly built for friendship rather than dating, with verified identities and clear rules. That way you talk to real people who are looking for the same thing you are.

8. Be yourself

Sharing something personal, a memory, a dream, a small struggle, builds trust and invites the other person to do the same. You don't need to tell everything at once: just be sincere. The best friendships begin when we feel free to be who we are.

Making friends online, safely

• Write an honest profile with your real interests.
• Start from a shared topic, in chat.
• At first, don't share your phone number, email or social profiles.
• Before meeting in person, have a video call to get to know each other better.
• If you decide to meet, choose a public place.

How Findred helps

Findred was created for platonic friendship between kindred spirits: no swiping and no dating, just sincere conversations with people who share your passions. You can sign up for free, share your interests and start chatting. Once you verify your identity you unlock real photos and video calls, so you always know who you are talking to. An automatic check keeps phone numbers, emails and social handles out of the chats.

Findred is in beta and welcoming its first 100 members: the first 10 will become the founders of the community.

Every great friendship started with a simple "hello". Yours could start today.

Photo: Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash.